Sept 3rd, 2009
I can’t believe a year has past since I felt you squirming in my belly. That night before you were born you were restless, rolling and rolling, and it seemed scratching, just itching to get out. It was the next day I got to hold you in my arms and look at your sweet face for the first time. I had only seen that face once before, in a dream. It was an older face, but yours just the same. I couldn’t believe I was holding my boy. My BOY! I wanted you to be a boy SO BADLY, and you made me so happy. You wanted to come into this world so much - even early- and you’ve enjoyed it ever since.
Tomorrow we’ll sing to you, watch you rip into a cake, and have you open your presents. But your birthday is not about those things to me. For me this is about your rite of passage, a landmark of days that will never be back again. I realize that my baby boy is no longer my baby. I feel I have to give up part of me as I watch you tomorrow. I will be happy and love it all, but I will also mourn the last day I have you as mine. It seems I now have to give you up to the world. To toddlerhood. As you explore you get further away from me, and from needing me for everything. I thought I wouldn’t miss it, but I will. I do. Happy Birthday sweet boy!